How to find a fulfilling sex life after childbirth

16 July 2017Ashley Griffin

After pregnancy and the arrival of the baby, sometimes it takes a little time before you can find an intimate life with your companion. Fatigue, pain and apprehension are common after a physical and emotional upheaval as intense as childbirth. Here are some tips and insights to smoothly revive your sexuality after birth, with the help of gynecologist and sexologist Sylvain Mimoun.

Know how to listen
Each birth is different: whether you have had a cesarean section, an episiotomy, or any tear, the important thing is to listen to your body and especially your desire, according to Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist and sexologist. “Couples can rediscover their sexuality six or eight weeks after childbirth,” Mimoun said. “If there has not been a major tear or difficulty with the episiotomy, the sexual relationship should be painless, and you can return as soon as you desire.” And that’s usually the case.

Physical and psychological blockages
While pregnant, your sex life may have been disturbed by your belly rounding and your hormones playing tricks to your libido: after childbirth, other factors may lower your desire. “There are difficulties at several levels,” explains Sylvain Mimoun. “The sensation, that is to say the pain, and the psychological worry, namely the fear that this area is not yet repaired.” The specialist states that these fears are quite common, and it is important to give yourself time. Also, the healing of the perineum, regaining the tonicity of this muscle, can be a first step towards a recovered sexuality. You only need to consult a specialist if the pains are too great or if they last more than six months.

Getting your body back
Gaining weight, falling out of shape, fatigue, stress caused by the arrival of a child: all factors that can undermine your self-confidence during the first weeks (or first months) after childbirth and that impact your sexual desire. So you must reassure yourself about your own body and take the time to heal it. Treat yourself to a professional massage at a spa, massage yourself with a moisturizing cream or an anti-stretch mark oil every morning and evening, resume physical activity: rediscovering your body will also help to revive your sexual desire little by little. Young mothers are often hard on themselves: their body has yet to go through the difficult and beautiful stages of womanhood, so benevolence and indulgence must be in order!

Rekindle your relationship
It can also be difficult to fall into the arms of your partner: some young mothers may have an ambivalent relationship in their new role as a mother and find it difficult to combine it with that of their lover. While the focus is primarily on the newly born baby, the couple must also rediscover themselves as partners and lovers, outside of their new role as parents. “There is quite often the idea that the companion has become a mother, and that she is no longer a lover in the first sense. This can cause physical and mental discomfort. Her companion must reassure her by respecting her rhythm. They need to explore the new sexual zone together. That does not necessarily mean through sexual actions, but simply feeling the pleasure of being together, in the arms of one another… It is necessary to be able to find pleasure to overcome any fear. “Dedramatize the situation by talking with your companion and find a solution that suits you both. This is done by simple caresses at first,” advises Sylvain Mimoun. “You have to reacquaint your bodies, find your place together, and rediscover your sexuality as a game. The couple must be in the same emotional state and move at the same pace.”

Tiphaine Lévy-Frébault
Translation: Ashley Griffin
Photo : Pinterest